Who’s Your Bot? A Conversation with an AI Assistant

The first instance Alesandra Madison’s husband utilized AI in their relationship was in late 2024.

After she overlooked her “nightly kneeling ritual,” he turned to ChatGPT for guidance on how to discipline her. According to her, the AI proposed “a two-in-one punishment”—that she write 100 lines of “I will remember to kneel for my Dom every night” while remaining in a kneeling position the entire time.

Although the couple began their journey into kink 15 years ago, practicing a dominant-submissive dynamic, this AI-generated punishment marked a new exploration for them.

Since then, Madison, 44 and residing in Los Angeles, has come to view AI as “a powerful enhancement tool” within their kink practices. “In dom-sub dynamics, when the submissive misbehaves—if consented to—a punishment follows. You desire something tailored to the transgression. It’s akin to having a fresh perspective on your relationship,” she explains.

AI signifies a distinct shift in how power dynamics are navigated within the realms of bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism—collectively known as BDSM. The foundational principles of consent, safety, communication, and trust are emphasized by everyone WIRED spoke with for this narrative. For individuals grappling with trust issues or those seeking a judgment-free environment to inquire about BDSM, AI is becoming an increasingly attractive alternative.

“AI has been valuable in helping me better understand my submissive side. I sometimes pose questions or describe confusing experiences, looking for clarity,” shared one user on the r/SubSanctuary subreddit, which covers topics such as impact play, feelings of “being owned,” and navigating the end of a relationship. Madison noted various reasons some submissives are drawn to AI dominants. They are perpetually accessible, easy to customize—“You can make them playful or sadistic,” she remarked in a video—and they provide a low-risk opportunity for newcomers to explore.

However, not everyone agrees. In the same subreddit, AI dominants were criticized as “hollow entertainment,” “dangerous,” and “dystopian.” “It can feel like a checklist,” commented 36-year-old sex educator Amp Somers from San Francisco, who alternates between dominant and submissive roles, regarding the demands imposed by AI dominants.

As discussions heat up, the marketplace has surged. Joi AI is one of many platforms—alongside Character.AI, Replika, and Soulmaite—allowing users to create and customize chatbots for BDSM role-play. The company positions itself as an “AI-lationships” platform, a remedy for traditional dating apps, boasting that its “user base has quintupled in 2025 compared to 2024.” Notable sex workers like Alix Lynx and Jenna Starr have licensed their images to Joi (the company chose not to disclose specific user numbers). Developers are also racing to build applications for role-play chatbots that provide “not merely erotic content, but a focus on immersive, intelligent dialogue with a dominant entity.” An online BDSM gear retailer, Oxy shop, has even introduced an AI-driven “BDSM chat” for members, enabling them to indulge in a spectrum of dominatrix fantasies, advertising options like “Surrender to Mandy” or “Submit to Mike.”

While watching pornography can be a passive activity, “an AI chatbot grants individuals a platform to discuss, express, and articulate their sexual fantasies,” explains Carolina Bandinelli, an associate professor at the University of Warwick specializing in the digital culture of love. “The notion that you can program your domination precisely as you wish lies at the heart of the fantasy surrounding the relationship between humans and AI—the ability to shape and mold our partner.”